


Doen't Worry, Darling

by CrabbyMaiden



Series: Drabbles From Hell [7]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor Is Not A Good Person, Angst, Basically porn with minimal plot, Blood and Gore, Dark Comedy, Dark fic, Demonic Bullshit, Drabble, Drug Abuse, F/M, Gonna be a short and wild ride, He's a demon actually, Idiots be accidentally summoning demons while drunk smh, Masochism, Possessive Behavior, Romance?, Writer Crab Hijinks, Yandere 2P Alastor, ah shit here we go again, doen't be fooled by the comedy, fast burn, he's a horny boi, no beta here just a bucking idiot, oh buck, oh deer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:36:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22564870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabbyMaiden/pseuds/CrabbyMaiden
Summary: You methimby accident.Well, it was as much of an accident as it could be when you were drunkenly drawing random symbols off Google on the side of your house in fake blood, but really, how were you supposed to know they'd summon a demon? At least you lucked out and summoned a kind and timid one...... Right?A Dark Hazbin Hotel fic.[Each chapter will have 10 drabbles and each drabble should have about 100 words, though it varies depending on what program it's pasted in ಠ_ಠ]
Relationships: 2P Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader, Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader
Series: Drabbles From Hell [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1590916
Comments: 62
Kudos: 580





	1. Spooky Start

**Author's Note:**

> gdi why am i like this lmao i have too many fics
> 
> I fell down another rabbit hole with this idea, but it won't be as long as "Love You Deerly", so things will be blasting ahead at a breakneck speed, so I apologize if it seems sudden or jarring! I'm gonna try to complete this in as few chapters as possible, but I'm still not entirely sure how long it'll ultimately end up being. As with all of my fics, be sure you pay attention to the tags, dearies~! Be safe and don't be fooled by any comedy that you see <3
> 
> This one is inspired by anic-mj's 2P Alastor design, so here's their tumblr with this Alastor's details if you'd like to know more: [2P Alastor design](https://anic-mj.tumblr.com/Blueberryen)

Each time October would come around, your neighborhood would fall into a competitive frenzy.

Skeletons were polished, witches were positioned and trees were cobwebbed as all the moms that lived on your block decided to make their houses the best kid friendly attractions _ever_. They had even set up a judging panel to crown one housewife the One Karen to Rule Them All - something you were certain was _rigged_ , considering how the same asshole (your next door neighbor) won every year.

Normally, you'd put out a depressed looking pumpkin and call it good, but one snooty remark sparked a change.

***

You weren't surprised a rude comment sent you into a rage induced shopping spree to stock up on anything and everything _not_ kid friendly.

Pinterest was your best friend this year as you looked into tutorial after tutorial for ideas of putting together the most wicked house to scare the shit out of every nine year old that dared walk down the sidewalk. If you couldn't win the contest then you were at least going to ruin your neighbor's (the asshole's) chances by preventing people from even going _near_ her place. 

_That_ would teach her for shit talking your pumpkins.

***

Truthfully, you didn't expect that the process of setting stuff up would be so _tedious_. You had decided to do it in the dead of night so the asshole (your neighbor) couldn't stand on her side of the fence and bitch at you the entire time, but you didn't think it would be so time consuming either. Each frumpy scarecrow you stuffed with leaves and slathered in fake blood made a little bit more of your brain ooze out from the absolute _boredom_.

So you decided to bust out the one one thing that would make it fun.

Hard lemonade.

***

Getting drunk wasn’t the answer to all your problems, but it was the answer to _this_ problem. It let you loosen up, shaking and dancing to the music playing in your headphones as you unrolled the barbed wire and started wrapping it around your tree and bushes. 

Did you look like an idiot? Yeah, probably. Did you really care? _No_ , your neighbors already thought you were weird for never going to their stupid potlucks.

The only thing that slowed you down was when you accidentally cut open your palm on the wire as you wrapped it around a tree trunk.

***

The faint sting in your palm made you pause and look down at the cut briefly before deciding to keep going. _By god_ , you were on a mission and if you stopped now, your laziness would leave it half done forever. No pain, no gain - or something to that effect.

So, you wiped your hand on your pants, finished wrapping the tree and moved on to destroying your property value even more by splattering fake blood on the side of your house. Sure, you'd definitely be getting a lengthy letter from the homeowners association, but that never stopped you before!

***

It wasn't until you were drawing a bunch of symbols pulled from Google on your house that it dawned on you that you were drunk and _alone_ in the dark. You lived in a decent neighborhood, yes, but you had seen enough horror movies to know that didn't stop a rabid ax murderer from _murdering_.

You glanced over your shoulder, only to see an empty yard full of lopsided scarecrows, but you couldn't shake the feeling of being _watched_.

Unsure of what else to do in the face of the sudden heebie jeebies, you called out, "I HAVE A KNIFE!"

***

When there wasn't a response to your empty threat, you cautiously returned to finger painting what looked like some bullshit from Full Metal Alchemist. A shudder ran up your spine as a cold chill struck you, but you quietly scolded yourself that it was just the fall weather getting to you. 

The dead leaves on the ground rustled in the wind and you whipped your head around to look around in a panic. Again, nothing was there, though you still imagined Michael Myers creeping on you in the distance.

"Okay, brain. You're fucking fine, so shut up."

" _Pardon me, miss._ "

***

The static laced voice drew a feral scream from you and you automatically hurled your jug of fake blood towards the source. You heard the _thwump_ of it hitting something, followed by a startled yelp that confirmed there was indeed someone there. Panicked by the realization, you stumbled backwards and scrambled to grab something you could use as a weapon while trying to see who the fuck was on your lawn.

Dressed in a cobalt blue suit, a tall, sickeningly pale man stood beside your house; sputtering and swiping frantically at his hair that was dripping red from your assault. 

***

You snatched up the broom you used to sweep leaves off your porch, holding it in front of you like a sword and you readied yourself to thwack him if he got closer. 

Once you blinked rapidly to confirm that yes, there _was_ a man standing there and you weren't crazy, you managed to ask, "Who- what the hell, no. Who? Who the fuck?"

" _I-I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention to_ frighten _you,_ " he spoke in a soft, timid voice and wiped away more of the red sludge to reveal the pale blue hair beneath. " _But you called me here_!"

***

The snort that came out of you was nothing short of _ugly_. "I didn't call you, bucko."

He lifted his bangs away from his face gazed at you with the most pathetic set of baby blue eyes. " _You did!_ "

You squinted at him and took in his rail thin appearance, then figured that if he tried anything weird, you could probably snap him in half. Shifting the broom to one hand, you felt your pocket for your phone to call the police to get the weirdo off your yard.

"I don't even _know_ you."

" _O-oh... My name is Alastor, darling._ "

  
  



	2. Definitely Accidental

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to the folks in the Hell's Hotel discord server for helping me through a rough day! You can join them by using the link in the end notes: be sure to give them lots of love <3
> 
>  **Warning:** Drug Abuse

  
  
"Alastor" continued flicking fake blood off of himself with a miserable frown on his face, all while he clutched what looked like a blue microphone in his hand. While you had to admit that he definitely had a "cool blue" aesthetic going on, he was still a trespassing creep and you unlocked your phone to call the cops.

"Uh, right. That name doesn't ring a bell _at all_ ," you said offhandedly and brought the device up to your ear. "But I'm sure the police will appreciate it?"

He sighed and adjusted his goddamn _blue_ monocle, then snapped his fingers loudly.

***

The red disappeared from his person, allowing his hair to fluff up into droopy looking ears and tousled fringe that framed his face. You gawped, unsure if you actually saw the fake blood evaporate into nothing or if you were a few too many drinks into the land of stupid. 

" _M-may I have your cellular device?_ "

His words made you shake yourself out of your stupor and tap in the emergency number with more force than necessary. "No, you may not."

Again, he let out a defeated sigh and with another _snap_ , your phone upped and vanished from your grip.

***

"What the-"

You flexed your empty hand and stared at it with dumbfounded eyes as if it would somehow make it reappear in your palm, then frantically scanned the ground in hopes that you just dropped it. When it still didn't turn up, you spun in place, sweeping the broom across the grass in case you just couldn't _see_ it due to the poor lighting of your porch light.

Spinning in place made your liquor addled mind swirl and you stumbled to catch yourself before you fell over. " _Jesus_ , fuck- what the shit?!"

" _I have it right here, my dear_."

***

Alastor waved your phone at you, then pocketed it in his vest while you stared at him and tried to comprehend what the hell just happened. You weren't sure what kind of David Copperfield bullshit was just pulled, but you pointed at him accusingly as if it would make him give it back.

"That's mine!"

" _I-I'll return it once we discuss the terms of our deal,_ " his voice crackled as static nearly overtook it. " _I-involving the authorities will only make this harder for_ you _, dear..._ "

You held up your broom defensively. "I bet you say that to _all_ your victims."

***

His body stiffened and his lips twitched between a grimace and a strained smile as if he was about to have a nervous breakdown. Confused, you watched him mutter and reach into his pocket to pull out a pill bottle; its contents rattling from how hard his hands trembled.

" _No, no... I-I told them I... I didn't mean- I-I'm sorry,_ " he whimpered and dumped a handful of dandelion yellow pills into his palm. " _I c-couldn't stop myself!_ "

He popped all of them in his mouth, tilting his head back to swallow them dry as you looked on with increasing dread.

***

"Okay, you know what? You... You keep that phone," you laughed nervously and backed up towards your front door. "I have insurance, so... Yeeeeah... Bye!"

You turned to dash inside and yelped when the man was suddenly _there_ , blocking your path with a steadily growing look of distress. " _N-no, please don't run! You_ called _me here and it's... I-it's been so_ long _... Let me help you? P-please?_ "

He smiled grimly, then reached out and traced a thin, gloved finger down your cheek as his eyes blurred into radio dials.

You shrieked in his face and hit him with your broom.

***

He let out a muffled cry of surprise and stepped away from you, using his microphone to block a second strike.

"Bitch, you'd better fuck off," you snapped and swung again, but he flinched out of the way. "I'm not dying _today_!"

" _N-no, I'm not going to-_ _I-I won't hurt you!_ "

You scoffed, "Like I believe _that_ , you creep."

" _T-truly, my dear, you called me here and I have no ill intentions towards you!_ " He motioned towards the side of your house hastily in an attempt to deter you from your onslaught. " _The proof is right there in your blood!_ "

***

You shot a bewildered glance towards your shoddy art job on the side of the house, then looked at him strangely. "That's fake blood."

" _Mostly, yes, but there are traces of_ your _blood..._ " 

"Wait, hold up. What does blood have anything to do with this?"

Alastor's pout twisted as if he was trying to hold back a smile and his demeanor shifted from anxious to something... Predatory. " _You... Don't know what you did, do you?_ "

Your initial fear of his weird tricks were wearing thin and you could only muster up the energy to be annoyed. "What did I do?"

***

He relaxed somewhat and loosened his grip on his microphone before asking, " _Are you fond of the occult, my dear?_ "

"I-"

" _No, you don't strike me as one who would dabble in such things..._ " The man rubbed his chin in thought as he paced in a leisurely circle around you. " _Definitely an accident then... But you had to have_ intent _behind your scribbles if you were to summon someone like_ me..."

Your head spun as you tried to keep up with what he was saying, but you couldn't help but feel like you missed the punchline of a shitty joke.

***

Alastor stopped before you, though he still held his microphone at the ready in case you attacked again. " _S-so... This makes me wonder what it is you want so badly that you would accidentally summon a demon._ "

You stared at him blankly. "What?"

He hid his mouth behind his fist and let out a soft chuckle. " _W-what is it you desire most, sweetheart?_ "

"I just want to beat that asshole in the Halloween decoration contest," you blurted. "The fuck do _you_ want?"

His grin was nothing short of charming as he offered you his hand. " _I want to help you!_ "

  
  



	3. Not the Best Way to Deal With It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you accidentally go on hiatus for over a month 
> 
> where the fuck did time go kdjfgkjd

  
  
You gawked at the man dumbly, unsure if you heard him correctly as he held his bowed position and offered hand for you to shake. There was a temptation to grab his hand and use your body weight to chuck his ass on his back, but something in the back of your head screamed "DANGER: DO NOT TOUCH".

Demons, occult, blood... You didn't know what he was trying to imply, but none of it sounded _good_ and you pushed his hand away from yourself with your broomstick.

"Um... No thanks. As you can see, I've got this in the bag."

***

Alastor glanced at your yard briefly, then righted his posture and tapped his chin. " _I don't mean to be rude, dear, but your decorations seem..._ Tacky."

You glared at your lopsided scarecrows and droopy pumpkins. "You're saying my decorations are shit?"

" _Well... N-no, I'm only... Pointing out that they are..._ " He waved his hand around as if he could magically conjure the word up. " _Alright, yes. T-they're horrendous, but I mean no offense_."

"It's better than _her_ kiddie crap," you snapped and motioned to the asshole's (your neighbor's) gaudy house. If anybody's decorations were tacky around here, it was _her's_.

***

The tall, pale, and blue shitlord hummed upon seeing her blow up jack-o'-lantern, the lights tangled in her bushes and the mummified trees. He had looked whipped while he was talking to you, but now he was actually smiling at her garbage? _Dick_.

" _How_ charming _! The little ones will find it to be a delight,_ " he praised, then cast a sad glance at you. " _I-it's a shame that you won't topple your competitor this year._ "

His words were enough to make you squint: you knew it was bait, but you were drunk enough to bite. "The hell does _that_ mean?"

***

He stepped to the side as he carefully watched you to see if you would attack and when you didn't, he lightly pressed a hand to your back and pushed you along. His sudden move to guide you towards the picket fence that separated your yard from your neighbor's startled you enough that you only clutched your broom nervously.

" _You see... Your fine neighbor-_ "

"The asshole," you interrupted with a correction.

Alastor paused before he awkwardly continued, "... _Yes. Their theme is cohesive, you see?_ "

You followed the motion of his hand, though you couldn't comprehend what he was talking about.

***

" _E-everything goes together,_ " he explained, then turned you to look at your own. " _Then there's_ yours..."

"What's _wrong_ with mine?"

" _W-what's_ not _wrong with it, sweetheart_ ," was his gentle retort and it earned him a sharp elbow to the ribs. " _O-ow! W-well... Nothing works together... It looks... Chaotic._ "

You looked out at your yard and attempted to soak in what he implied, though you couldn't figure out what could possibly be chaotic about your mismatched decorations. Pinterest tutorials wouldn't lie to you!

The weirdo placed his hands on your shoulders and softly whispered, " _D-do you want to win? O-or_ lose?"

***

The thought of losing to the asshole (your neighbor) left a sickened feeling in your gut and you quickly pushed it from your mind. She wasn't going to win - you wouldn't _let_ her. Somebody needed to knock her off her high horse and that person was going to be _you_.

"Of course I want to win," you hissed and smacked his grubby hands off you. _Creep_.

Alastor moved to stand in front of you, a timid smile on his lips as he looked down at you and he said, " _Make a deal with me, and I can guarantee you'll win._ "

***

You snorted loudly, then fell into a hysterical fit of giggles as you clutched your broom for stability to keep from falling over. As far as you could tell, there wasn't a damn thing that the twig of a man could offer and you were starting to question why you had been afraid of him in the first place.

Was he weird? _Yes_. Only weirdos would ramble on about the occult and demons and other bullshit. Not to mention he swiped your phone, but you were fairly certain that you were just too drunk to remember when he snatched it.

***

Recovering from your laughing fit, you straightened up and wiped the tears that gathered at the corner of your eyes. "Ahh... Good joke, buddy."

He hummed, his smile still on his face as he offered a seemingly clawed hand to you. " _S-shake my hand, dear. I-I can prove myself_."

"And what do _you_ get out of helping me, if you even can?"

Your question made his cheeks darken and he tilted his head to the side as though he was embarrassed, but he managed to stammer out, " _I-I want you to play with me... U-use me to y-your heart's content._ "

***

You scrunched your nose in confusion, but ultimately didn't think too much on what he said before you rolled your eyes. He could have just looked around on online forums for gaming buddies rather than walking up to your house at night, though you supposed being socially awkward was the downfall of a nerd.

"Uh-huh... And you _promise_ that you'll help me beat the asshole?" Maybe if you humored him, he'd go away...

" _Oh... You have my most solemn vow, dear._ "

For a moment, you hesitated, but you shook it off and grasped his offered hand. "Fine. It's a deal."

***

Alastor hummed, then closed his claws in a bone crushing grip while orange flames burst from his hand and sealed your palms together. You yelped and tried to jerk away, but he held on tight and wrapped an arm around your waist to draw you closer.

Pain bloomed up your arm as the fire seared your skin, numbing your mind as you let out a shriek of agony, "I-I- it h-hurts!" 

" _Shh... D-don't struggle... P-please... Don't s-scream..._ "

You let out a sob, but he simply continued to coo soothingly even as the flames engulfed your body.

" _I-I've got you, darling..._ "


	4. Rude Awakening

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: ahh let's just write a simple story with minimal plot so we can practice writing smut
> 
> me 4 chapters in: mother fucker i said sIMPLE-

  
  
_Flames licked at your flesh, sending ripples of agony throughout your body as the man clung to you. You couldn't break away from him and you gasped for air as you stared up at him in a silent plea for help._

_His eyes shimmered a bright blue and took the shape of radio dials as he began to mutter, "S-shh... Cl... Close your eyes... S-stop... Don't look a-at me... I-I... S-sorry..._ **_Don't look at me_ ** _."_

_Static began to blur your vision and he pressed his palm over your eyes to force you to close them._

_"I-I'm so-sorry... S-shh... D-don't struggle..."_

***

You snorted awake to the sound of your cabinets being opened and closed and to the smell of pancakes in the air. A headache pounded at your skull and when you opened your eyes, they were violently assaulted by sunlight and the knowledge that you were, indeed, hungover.

Blearily, you remained sprawled on your lumpy couch and stared at the ceiling in regret. You could live with a hangover, but did you _really_ have to have a weird nightmare too?

After a moment of contemplation, you remembered that there shouldn't be noises coming from your kitchen since you lived alone.

***

The first thought that rocketed into your mind was the hope that you had invited a friend over to help you decorate last night. It was shot down by the fact that most of your friends either didn't live anywhere near you or you had only talked to them online. 

Did you make a booty call last night? Did you even have anybody to make a booty call to?

Another round of clattering made you jerk up and clutch your head as the room spun dangerously. "I HAVE A KNIFE!"

Everything halted, then a soft voice responded, " _So you've said._ "

***

_Oh shit_ , you swore in your head and tumbled off the couch. _There wasn't supposed to be a fucking_ response!

You scrambled up off the floor - an action that made your stomach churn - and quickly snatched up the first thing you could get your grubby hands on to use as a weapon. Which was the dumbass magazine that you had picked up from the store because it promised to improve your cooking skills (it didn't).

Unsure of what else to grab, you rolled it up and clutched it in both hands like it was a sword. "I have a BAT!"

***

Seconds before you could gather the courage to storm the kitchen, a familiar figure stepped around the corner: a skillet in hand as he flipped a pancake over. The sight of him made your blood run cold: wasn't that all just a _dream_? He set you on _fire_ , there's no way it was real- _were you hallucinating_?

" _T-that doesn't look like a bat, my dear,_ " that man in blue said teasingly and he set the pan on the counter before he came towards you. " _A-are you feeling alright?_ "

You stood there in stupefied shock and he gently gripped your wrists.

***

Pale blue gloves.

A soft, static laced voice.

The unyielding grip that felt as though it was scalding you- _it was burning, it burns, it burned_ -

" _Shhh..._ " The man - _what was his name again?_ \- gently ran his thumb over your bottom lip and traced the curved of your jaw with his claws. " _D-don't panic..._ "

Oh, you were very much going to panic. You could already feel your lungs tightening as you prepared to let loose a scream, but he covered your mouth with his palm and shushed you again.

" _Y-you're safe... I-I didn't hurt you... Don't be s-scared of me._ "

***

When he was certain you weren't going to scream, he slowly removed his hand and leaned down to press his lips against your own. You made a muffled noise of surprise and tried to jerk away, but his free hand came up and caught the back of your head to hold you in place.

It sent a wave of terror through you and you thrust the magazine forward, jabbing him straight in the sternum before you stomped down on his foot as hard as you could.

He stumbled away from you, his cheeks turning dark blue. " _W-what was_ that _for?_ "

***

"What the-" You whacked him with the rolled up magazine several times before chucking it at his face. ""What was that _for_ "?! What do you mean " _what was that for_ "!?"

You swiped the TV remote off the table and hurled it at him as well, though he ducked under the projectile. " _W-why a-are you_ attacking _m-me??_ "

"BECAUSE YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE," you shouted, then quickly added, "And you freaking _kissed_ me!"

You contemplated throwing the whole damn coffee table at him, but he held his arms over his head defensively and whimpered, " _B-but we made a-a deal_!"

"We did _what_?"

***

" _A-a deal..._ " He regarded you with the most pathetic set of puppy dog eyes. " _D-don't you remember...?_ "

_Fire engulfed you, searing your body and scorching your_ **soul** -

You blinked and stared down at your hands, finding nothing but smooth skin where it should have been bubbled and scarred flesh. Tentatively, he reached forward and touched your wrist again and on instinct, your hand shot up and struck him across the cheek in defense.

He let out a low moan and gripped his face as his timid grimace twisted into a shy grin. " _M-maybe... We s-should save_ that _for after b-breakfast..._ " 

***

You reeled back, disgusted and startled by his reaction and you had to wonder what stupid tomfuckery your drunk ass got into _this_ time. 

He took your confused expression in stride and approached you again. " _Y-you promised you would play with me..._ "

"I... Don't even know you?" You gave an awkward (scared shitless) laugh and backed up a bit. "I don't play around with strangers."

" _Forgot already...? I-I'm_ Alastor _, darling..._ " He moved behind you and urged you towards the kitchen despite your protests. " _W-we can talk more o-once you've had a bite t-to eat... I-I hope you like blueberry pancakes._ "

**Author's Note:**

> I also run a discord server for writing/creativity, so if you're interested in joining, please see [my profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrabbyMaiden/profile) for more details! <3


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